if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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