i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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