omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
