Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
pray to the hookup gods
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
