The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
