I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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