I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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