She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
