Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
