I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This baby is an asshole
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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