Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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