WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize