peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
