Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
