remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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