I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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