It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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