You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
