You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
