you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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