I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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