Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
