I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
