I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
