smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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