definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize