Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
