Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
