It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
