I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
