is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
