just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
