this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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