Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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