You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
