when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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