drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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