i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
