I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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