You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
