Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
