i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize