well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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