I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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