btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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