i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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