proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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