so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
