highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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