totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
