And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
