you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
