somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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