Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
