so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
