well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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