Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
