She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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