Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
