like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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