She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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