I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
