I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The Olympian is in my bed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
