I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize