I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
