3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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