ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
