So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Damn victory sex feels great
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
