On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
