I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
