This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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