Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
