im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
