I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
