Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
