I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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