omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
