I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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