You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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