On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
