i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
