How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
