I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
