Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
