Please, let me fuck your mom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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