dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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