you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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