So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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