In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
