Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
