The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize