Christians are straight up FREAKS
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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