I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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