He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
