I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
