I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
