cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
