You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
