I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
