It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
