you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I still have a little drunk in my system
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
