I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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