I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We need to rekindle our bromance
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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