As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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